It was a hot summers' night and there was me and the Mosquitos

11th June 2023 - my first blog in almost 5 years!

For weeks I had been observing the best, sunniest, most delicious place to build my bush shower. It needed to be in full sun yet given privacy provision like the name suggests by bushes. In true ‘Heath Robinson’ style I gathered together three of my longest (and probably the most geriatric) Ash poles. At 9 foot tall they would do the job – lashed together at the top with strips of retired string. I constructed a tripod. I positioned it in my chosen spot adjacent to Beauty of Kent with a backdrop of Raspberry canes, and a green curtain of regenerating young Elm.

Then I wanted something to stand on by way of a shower tray and, to stop my feet getting muddier as I washed them. I dragged over an old but serviceable pallet. Near perfect, except that I wanted my ‘grey water’ to be useful to the near neighbours of my shower ‘cubicle’ – the Rhubarb family.

I found my water saving tub in the poly-tunnel. It was feeling unloved - redundant from spring use as a compost container. My Dad had given it to me a decade or so before and it has had a rich and varied career in the orchard. I enjoyed the thought of giving it gainful employment once more as I placed the old grey trug on top of the pallet. I would manually empty my grey water around the Rhubarb after each shower, and enjoy the subsequent stems in jam.  Macabre, makeshift or frugal? I’ll leave you to ponder.

In preparation for my bush shower experience I poured 5 litres of best quality filtered rainwater (off tiny House roof) into the camping shower which I dug out of early retirement. It was remarkably heavy. Muscle memory kicked in as I raised 5KG of water up 8 foot and suspended the black bag from the tripod. A test run!

Then I waited. I waited for the sun to shine, and I waited for the air temperature to rise. Now I love a nature shower, but I am also a wooose when it comes to cold. Like goldilocks porridgeTHE day, MY day had to be just right.

Finally. Yesterday. Summer arrived in the old orchard, and the day I’ve been waiting for is with me. It’s just me and the nature shower. I ensure my bush shower bag is raised early and in keen anticipation of direct sun I wait. I am not disappointed. The sun shines and heats up what is a rare treat for me – a late afternoon outside shower.

Except that I am not alone. The sunshine has hatched a myriad of mosquitos and they are HUNGRY. Stripped of clothing defences I am naked against their piercing attacks. Anger rages through me as I swat them, smearing blood from their bellies on my skin. My blood redistributed on my skin. Just as well I’m having a clean-up. This has become a blood bath!

Bring on the bats. Where are they whilst I'm being eaten alive? Strange thought .... Have I become part of the food chain in the orchard? Am I indirectly feeding bats?

And then there was the company of Robin who sang to me whilst I swatted camarcarzie mosquitos, and was way more civilised!